Funny Football Team Names

5 a side teamWhether you’re naming your 5-a-side team, local pub quiz team or your Fantasy Football team you’re going to need a funny football team name. We’ve put together a list of all of our favourites for you to look through and hopefully find one that suits you.

List of football team names:

Football Player Puns

  • Petr Cech Yourself
  • Who ate all Depays / Walking in Memphis Depay / Depay in the Sky
  • Rodallega Bombs
  • Chamakh My Pitch Up
  • Mirror Signal Malouda
  • Schezney Hawkes / Sanchez-ny Hawkes
  • Benteke Fried Chicken
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtels
  • Making Emile of it
  • Xavi Dodgers
  • Haven’t Got a Kalou
  • Moves Like Agger / Agger Diouf Diouf Diouf
  • Dembele Galaxy
  • The Odem Chickenwingies
  • Phantom of the Chopra
  • Baines on Toast
  • Lads on Toure
  • Nice to Michu
  • Michu at De Gea Ba
  • Klopp Outs / Kindergarden Klopp / Klopp goes the Weasel
  • How I Met Your Mata / Hakuna Juan Mata
  • Lock Stock and Two Smoking Carrolls
  • Boom Shake Shake De Roon
  • It Just Got Messi / About to get Messi
  • Ronaldoughnuts
  • Sex, Drugs and Carlton Cole
  • Chocolate Ba’s & Corn Eto’o
  • Slumdog Mignolet / Who wants to be a Mignolet
  • Absolutely Fabregas / Cesc in the city / Fabregasm
  • I’m Lovren it
  • Balotelitubbies
  • Crouch Potato
  • 50 Shades of O’Shea
  • It’s All Gone Shane Long
  • Alice in Hangeland
  • Out on Bale / Released on Bale
  • My Little Bony / Hung like a Bony / One-trick-Bony’s
  • One Size Fitz Hall
  • Tea and Busquets
  • #YOLO Toure
  • Bendtner Over
  • Rolls Reus / Egg-fried Reus / Reus’ Pieces
  • Chubby Alonsos
  • Diego Costa Coffee / Costa Fortune
  • Lahmageddon / Silence of the Lahms
  • Mark-o Pirlo
  • We Arbeloa Lot of Teams
  • Krul Runnings / Only Kruls and Horses / Krul to be Kind
  • No Weimann No Cry
  • Don’t look Bacary Sagna / Bacary Lasagna / Daiquiri Sagna
  • Law abiding Sigurddsons
  • An inconvenient Huth / You can’t handle the Huth
  • Super Nani (After TV show ‘Super Nanny’)
  • Ozil Gummidge (After English TV show ‘Worzil Gummidge’)
  • KROOSing for a Bruising / Kroos control
  • Every day I’m Schneiderlin/Bellerin/Coquelin
  • Red bull gives you Frings / Red bull gives you Ings / Lord of the Ings
  • Wanyama’s In Pajamas
  • Klose but no Cigar / Too Klose for Comfort
  • Robben me Blind
  • LamborDeeney
  • Another one Bites the Dost
  • Sanogo On A Pogo
  • Blame it on Debuchy
  • Giroud Let The Dogs Out
  • Men Behaving Chadli
  • How about Zlat?
  • Pique boo
  • VazTe-Sectomy
  • Fun Lovren Criminals
  • We Arbeloa lot of teams
  • Blink 1 Eto’o
  • Escape from Alcaraz
  • I Wan ya Ma
  • Juan on Juan
  • 2 girls 1 Schlupp
  • Cahills have eyes
  • Dier Hard
  • Clyne Kampf / Whose Clyne is it anyway?
  • Bad Kompany

Old Football player puns

  • Murder On Zidane’s Floor / I bet you’d look good on Zidane’s Floor
  • Maradonna Kebab
  • The Neville wears Prada
  • Puyol Pants Down FC
  • The Vaz Te after tomorrow
  • Andy Gray’s Anatomy
  • Finding Mido
  • Inglorious Basturks
  • Dude where’s my Kahn
  • Ji Sung Park the Bus
  • The Passion of the Cruyff
  • Rigobert’s Thong
  • Debbie does Gallas
  • Le Saux Solid Crew
  • Ruud Van Nipplejoy
  • Jurgen’s Binman (Jürgen Klinsmann)
  • Kenny Jacket Potato
  • Wright Men Can’t Jump
  • Keane learners
  • Get Defoe Kuyt
  • Insert Joe Kinnear
  • Jimmyfloydbottlebaink

English Team Names

(real team name in brackets)

  • Arse ‘n’ all (Arsenal)
  • Aston Filla / Aston Vanilla  (Aston Villa)
  • AFC Pornmouth (AFC Bournemouth)
  • Bolton Squanderers (Bolton Wanderers)
  • Brighton & Hoe Albion (Brighton & Hove Albion)
  • Crystal Meth Palace / Crystal Phallus / Fritzl Palace  (Crystal Palace)
  • Whateverton (Everton)
  • Exeter Gently (Exeter City)
  • Moleicester City (Leicester City)
  • Liquor Pool FC (Liverpool)
  • Man Titty (Manchester City – “Man City”)
  • Bantchester United / Man-Chest-Hair United  (Manchester United)
  • MK Dongs (MK Dons)
  • Notts Florist / Not in your mums forest F.C  (Notts Forest / Nottingham Forest) 
  • Old’em Pathetic  /  Old ‘n’ Pathetic / Oldman Arthritic/ Texas Oldham  (Oldham Athletic)
  • Port Fail (Port Vale)
  • Queens Park Strangers (Queens Park Rangers)
  • Stroke Titty / If it ain’t Stoke, don’t fix it (Stoke City)
  • Blunderland (Sunderland)
  • Not so Hotspur / Tottenham Hotsperm  (Tottenham Hotspur)
  • Breast Homage Albion / Breast Rummage Albion (West Bromwich Albion)
  • Fred West Ham / West Ham Sandwich (West Ham)
  • Dances with Wolves / Woefulhampton (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
  • KFC Wimbledon (Wimbledon)

Italian Team Names

  • AC A Little Silhouette Of Milan / AC Me Rollin’ / AC Dead People (AC Milan)
  • Fiorentina Turner (Fiorentina)
  • Genoa-cide (Genoa)
  • Enter ‘Me Lamb / Inter Thepub / Inter M’Nandos / Inter Your Nan/ Inter Ya Gran / Outer Milan / Inter M’Ladies FC /Inter Bread / Inter Row Z / Inter Milan-Drover (Inter Milan)
  • Pooventus / Jewventus (Juventus)
  • Fatzio / Ladzio (Lazio) 
  • Crapoli (Napoli)
  • Romasexuals (Roma)

Spanish Team Names

  • Pathetico Madrid / Athletico Pathetico / Athletico Madras / Sweaty-co Madrid (Atletico Madrid)
  • Athletic Bilbao Baggins (Athletic Bilbao)
  • Beercelona / Barcaloners / Farcelona / Banterlona / Barca Bone Her / Leave our Arse Alona (Barcelona)
  • Deportivo La Catalent (Deportivo de La Coruña)
  • No Hablo Espanyol (Espanyol)
  • Colonel Getafe / Getafe me sister  (Getafe)
  • Osasuna Or Later (Osasuna)
  • Unreal Madrid / The other Madrid / Fake Madrid /Real Madras (Real Madrid)
  • Real Sosobad / Real Sociopaths (Real Sociedad)
  • Sevilla Lacatalent / Sevilla Constipation / Jimmy Sevilla (Sevilla FC)

Portuguese Team Names

  • Bumfica / Menfica (Benfica) 
  • FC Poor Toe / FC Porto Loos / FC Porto Cabin / FC Porno (FC Porto)
  • Sportin Abeergut / Sporting Lesbian / Snorting Lisbon (Sporting Lisbon)

German Team Names

  • Borussia Ya Teeth
  • Bayern Bru
  • Bayer Neverlosen / Buyher Leathershoesen / Buyher Leathershoesen she’ll love ya(Bayer Leverkusen)
  • Borussia Mönchenflapjack / Truncheon Gladbach / Monster Munchen Gladbach (Borussia Mönchengladbach)
  • Brian Munich / Bayern Eunuch / Buying Munchies (Bayern Munich)
  • Eintracht Mind (Eintracht Frankfurt)
  • Hangover 96 / Hannover 69 (Hannover 96)
  • Schalke Oh Dear (FC Schalke 04)
  • Werder Beermen / Weirder Semen / Murder Bremen (Werder Bremen)
  • Kaiserslaughtered (FC Kaiserslautern)

French Team Names

  • Expected Toulouse (Toulouse)
  • Paris Ganja Man /Paris Ain’t German (Paris Saint-Germain F.C.)
  • Kings of Lyon / The Lyon King (Lyon)
  • Paralympique Marseille (Olympique Marseille)

Rest of the world Team Names

  • Ivory Toast
  • Tekkerslovakia
  • Poortugal
  • Largentina
  • Braziliant
  • Shitzerland
  • Argentina Turner
  • Cameroon Diaz

Rest of the world Football Club names

  • Ajax Treesdown FC / Basement Ajax (AFC Ajax)
  • Parmesan Belgrade / Parmesan Belgrade (Partizan Belgrade)
  • Steaua Needarest (Steaua Bucureșt)
  • Boca Seniors / Berocca Juniors (Boca Juniors)
  • Dinamo Fookdarest (Dinamo Bucureșt)
  • FC Copenbadly (F.C. Copenhagen)
  • Dynamo Chicken Kiev / Dynamo Kebab (Dynamo Kyiv)
  • Mentalist Kharkiv (Metalist Kharkiv) 
  • Substandard Liege / Pub-Standard Liege (Standard Liège)
  • Mugabe Haifa (Maccabi Haifa)
  • Olympiadross / Paralympiacos (Olympiacos)
  • This is Sparta Prague (Sparta Prague)
  • Cry me a River Plate (River Plate)
  • Shakhter Sheep / Shakhtar the heart (Shakhtar Donetsk)
  • Red Balls Salzburg (Red Bull Salzburg)
  • Rapid Vienetta (Rapid Vienna)
  • Fenerbackache (Fenerbache)
  • Tamponspor (Trabzonspor)
  • Is your Motherwell (Motherwell)
  • H.I.V Eindhoven (P.S.V Eindhoven)
  • Fener Bar Chair (Fenerbache)

American Team Names

  • ACDC United (D.C. United)
  • Colombus Spew (Columbus Crew SC)
  • LA Fallacy (LA Galaxy)
  • FC Phallus / Phallus Cowboys (FC Dallas / Dallas Cowboys – NFL)
  • Tittsburgh Feelers (Pittsburgh Steelers – NFL)

Different Team Names

  • Chewbacca the Net
  • Club Tropicana Drinks FC
  • Multiple Scoregasms
  • Neverbee Athletic
  • 99 Problems But a Pitch Ain’t One
  • Real Lee Sheet
  • Hardly Athletic / We’re Not Athletic
  • This is Norway to Play Football
  • Sons of Pitches
  • Norfolk ‘N’ Chance / Norfolk Enchants / Norfolk n’ Clue /
  • Suffolk ‘n’ Ordinary
  • Obi 1 Kenobi nil
  • Wrong Direction / Wand Errection
  • Class on Grass
  • Ball of Duty
  • Liquorice Allsports
  • Club Foot
  • ABCDE F.C
  • It’s Spraining Men
  • Geri-Hat-Rick
  • Champagne Super Rovers
  • Scouting For Goals
  • Chicken Tiki Taka
  • Dyslexia Untied
  • Victorious Secret
  • Game Set and Snatch
  • Nonbeleaguers
  • The Mighty Schmucks
  • Goals Aloud
  • Goals R’ Us
  • Lord Of The Wings
  • Euro Anchor FC
  • Beating Chastards
  • Kiss My Pass
  • Michael Barrymore’s Swimming Club
  • Raul Moat-drid
  • Ribery’s U-16s / Stewart Downing’s U-16s
  • Dyslexia Untied
  • The Fashion Pulis
  • See You Next Tuesday
  • Game Ovaries
  • 2 goals 1 cup
  • Here for Beer
  • The High Five
  • Designated Drinkers
  • Cunning Stunts
  • Egoala (an irreverant take on ‘ebola’)
  • Cheeky Milandos
  • She was only XI
  • Goal goal power rangers

6-a-side Team Names

  • Six Offenders
  • The dirty half-dozen

Why is choosing a good football team name important?

It’s almost become a competition among fantasy football players to come up with the funniest team name possible. That goes for 7-a-side and quiz teams too, you can’t have a good team without having a football pun as your name it’s just the way it is now. Hopefully, by reading our funny football team names, you’ve located one that you think is worthy of being used by you or your team. If not and you think you’ve got a better one, feel free to send It in by using our contact page and we’ll add it to our page for you.

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